Advice

Advice. 

You get a lot of that as a new mom that's for sure. And honestly you need a lot of it because there is so much THEY DON'T TELL YOU. Like the other day I was at the pediatrician and asked her about when to start trying solid food and she gave me some general advice and I felt good about it then I came home and I was like so wait HOW do I do this? And this is just an example of one of the many things I feel clueless on. 

The difficultly lines in that there are 1 BILLION ways to do things with your newborn and many of them contradict each other or some say they are "unsafe" or will mess up your baby some how. 

I like safety. 

I also like the idea of not scarring my child for life. 

But its overwhelming how many STRONG opinions people have on raising children! 

I think we all really just like to feel like we know what we are doing. But in these past 4 months I have come to the conclusion that parents who look like they have it all together are just really good at faking it. And parents who are well past the newborn phase and think they had it all together have baby dementia and have lost contact with what really happened. 

I decided to share some of my favorite advice over the past 4 months. I think of this as good for everyone to read new parent, not a parent, grandparent, older parent....as someone fresh in this experience maybe some of these things will help you too. 
So here is some advice and words that ACTUALLY helped me. Because not all of it has been helpful. 

[Short story- I was out in public about a month ago and my baby was crying in the stroller because he was fighting sleep. And this complete STRANGER started telling me what he needed...... my heart reaction was not patient, kind, loving, or generous. I know she was trying to be helpful but it just wasn't helpful. I keep having to tell myself (even now)- she just doesn't know. She had good intentions. She didn't mean any harm. Because me being angry at her doesn't help]

So here is my top 10 favorite advice/encouragment as a new mom....

1. "Try to rest even if its just putting your feet up when the baby is sleeping early on." I loved this WAY more than the "sleep when the baby sleeps" because sometimes you just can't. I would toss and turn and get frustrated that I couldn't sleep. Also when else would I sleep? 

2. "Use the nursery in the hospital"- yep sent baby there a lot! I actually cried when it was time to leave the hospital because there was no nursery at home with nurses. Those nurses were magic at getting him to fall asleep so we could actually sleep too. 

3. "Accept help" (this one was tricky for me to figure out since I didn't know my baby well at first so I didn't know how to tell someone to help me with baby- but having them help me with household stuff was GREAT) things like cleaning your house, making you a meal, walking your dog, doing your laundry, putting gas in your car, ect. So helpful! If you can have someone overnight helping you with diaper changes, rocking and putting to sleep so all you have to do if feed your baby- that is SO helpful. After 3 months (I probably could have tried earlier) I tried side-lying position for breastfeeding so all I had to do was roll over on my side in bed and feed baby then give him back to grandma or hubby to take baby when he was done eating. 

4. "Yeah, that's hard. I am sorry. I remember that being difficult." Simple. Relatable. Makes me feel like I am not the only one. Also this isn't really advice but new moms need empathy as well. Below is an amazing video about empathy. I love Brene Brown and all her TEDtalks. 

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Evwgu369Jw
My favorite line "Um no. Wanna sandwich?" LOL

5. "You look great!"- thank you to all the people who said that to me the first couple weeks, you are angels and I have asked God to give you extra treasures in heaven. 

6. "Your baby just thinks your the greatest most beautiful woman in the world"- Yeah! He does! Thats right! I am! Speaking for baby is a thing a lot of people like to do. "Oh you are tired", "Oh you are hungry"....I do it all the time. Sometimes it gets overwhelming though of the demands and you want some praise. Having other women "speak" for my baby in a way that praised me felt amazing. Thank you to those women who did that for me early on! Treasure for you too! 

7. "Most babies like to be swaddled"- simple but helpful as my child is a swaddle escape artist we just thought he hated it. Then we got some advice from our doc and some more teaching and he started sleeping better after that. 

8. "He/She will change"- I am grateful for this reminder, but also hate it because at times I just want to know WHEN they will change this thing thats challenging right now. But it does help me not get my expectations that it will ALL be all better soon, because in my experience its not true. Certain things can get better but then other things become more difficult. So instead of "it gets better" to me "this is a season, it will change" has been more helpful for me. Each season has its joys and challenges but I can choose my attitude about them. 

9. "Remember your spouse"- It is possible to not turn on each other! One of my favorite memories is several times at 3am we would both be awake for some reason and just laughing about how hard it is to be a parent. We would make silly songs up and just be stupid-tired together. I strive to daily state specifically what I appreciate about my husband, it not only helps my heart to be grateful but also encourages him! We still have had plenty of times of getting mad at each other but as a whole we have had a ton of fun being a team. 

10. "God is gently leading you through this time"- 
"He tends his flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young."- Isaiah 40:11 
I love Gods character shown in this passage. God gets it. He knows this is a special time that requires gentleness. He also is leading me, I am never alone, I always have a great helper and I can always ask him for strength, wisdom, and comfort. 

There it is, my top 10 (so far) favorite advice and words of encouragement as a new mom. I am thankful for all the helpful advice and kind words I have received so far! 

Love- Elaina