New Year

I love New Years. 

It seems like there is more hope in people as they decide how they want this New Year to be. There is hope for change, hope to be different, hope to be better. I love to hear peoples New Years resolutions they are made with with hope. 

I struggle to make resolutions at times. I have made many some years that were impossible to keep and other years I didn't make any and entered the year with hope of change yet no real vision or goals of how to change it. 

Being a new mom has shown me some parts of myself that I don't particularly like. Its also shown me some parts of myself that I didn't know were there that I love. 

One of my resolutions is to read the entire Old Testament of the Bible this year. While I read it I am focusing on how God is redeeming us and how he rescues, protects and cares for people. When I see a passage that highlights that I underline it. I have lots of underlines already! 

I wanted to share some of my thoughts from my personal bible study the other day that has helped me to identify what I hope to change in this year....

I am at the end of Genesis and its the story of Joseph, who is one of my favs. I am always impacted by how he suffered so well. All the injustice done to him yet he remained faithful to God. I feel ashamed of how quickly I can blame God and shake my fist at him when something so small like my son not sleeping well (according to my standard) sets me off. 
It reminded me of a passage I read early this month in Job

"Beware of turning to evil which you seem to prefer in affliction."- Job 36:12

WOW! How true is this of myself and many of us. When affliction, suffering, hard times come its so easy to turn to evil. 

I have heard the phrase "Hurting people hurt people." I think it represents this passage well. I would probably also say that "Tired people hurt people", and "Hungry people hurt people (aka hangry)", and "Disappointed people hurt people"....

I have not responded well in my "suffering" or "affliction" at many times. Its embarrassing. I look at others who are going through some real tough situations with their babies being sick in the hospital or loss of a loved one or another tragedy and I feel so guilty and so immature because of my reaction to my "suffering". 



It doesn't seem to help me change though. I see that others have it worse off. It does give me a reality check to be grateful and that does help start my change but its also helpful for me to admit and be real with myself and others that BEING A MOM IS HARD and there is suffering and affliction involved even when your baby is completely healthy and so are you. 

I also meditated on

"This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins."- 1 John 4"10

Love is sacrifice. 

I love my son SO much. 
I sacrifice for my son SO much. 



This year I want to suffer well. How? 
I look at my examples of Joseph, Job, and Jesus- they feared God, got humble, and they entrusted themselves to God. 

"When they hurled their insults at him (Jesus), he did not retaliate; when he suffered, he made no threats. Instead, he entrusted himself to him who judges justly."- 1 Peter 2:23 

For me that looks like when baby doesn't sleep the way I want him to, when I don't get my "me time", when things don't go the way I planned, when I don't get that nap or food I wanted, when losing the baby weight is harder that I thought it would be, when I can't do what I want when I want, when life is just HARDer now that I have a baby. (Sometimes I question who is more the baby me or my 8 month old as we both cry over things getting taken away from us and food not being ready when we want it to be....Its okay you can laugh at that)
I won't throw a fit, pity party, my fists up to God or my husband. I won't in my frustration blame God or others for things not going my way. 
INSTEAD I will entrust myself to God, the just judge, the righteous, most wise, sovereign King who loves and cares for me. 

I hope that I can make some changes this year. I want to grow and mature in this ugly area thats been exposed in my life. I am grateful for the many examples both biblical and in my life now of people who have and are suffering well. You inspire me and are helping me to grow. Thank you.