Being a Mom is Hard

Being a new mom is hard.

I said it. High five me or think I am a terrible awful person. 

I am not saying it is hard to complain but just that it is a true fact I have come to realize these past 4 months since my baby boy was born. I knew it would be hard- but experiencing it is something different.

But it's not just the sleepless nights or crying. It's the things people didn't really tell me much about that make it so hard.

Like how insecure you feel if your doing things right. Though they say there is no right way, there are a million and one wrong ways.

Or like how difficult breastfeeding is between bad latches, fussy feeds, mastitis, plugged ducts, low milk supply, over supply, strong let down, slow let down, engorgement, yeast infections, lip tie, tounge tie, vasospams, reflux, milk blebs, nipple wounds, and probably many other things I don't know about. This supposedly "natural" thing feels stupidly hard at time. 

Or like how difficult it is to make the smallest decisions because you don't know how your newborn will respond. Should we go out to eat? He might be crazy he might sleep the whole time. Should we try to put him down for a nap? It might take an hour or 5 mins. Should I take a shower now? He could wake up in 50 seconds or right when I step in the water. Should I put this in the oven? He might want to eat and then I'm stranded if the timer goes off.

Or like how the unsolicited advice people give you make you feel like a failure.

Or like how crazy your hormones are leaving you so sensitive to the littlest of comments or looks.

Or like the mourning of your prepregnancy body as your body will never be the same and now you need new clothes, new prescription glasses, new shoes, and a new hair style. 

Or like how you feel like you should know what you baby wants or likes but you’re just faking it and guessing.

Or like the mourning of spontaneity you had before.

Or like how really precious things like an uninterrupted conversation is, or a leisurely trip to the grocery store, or a shower.

I could go and I'm sure so could other new moms but I say this not to complain but more to reflect on the things I've been learning the past 4 months. (I also say this to help other new moms and maybe remind older moms too)

I love my son and I love being his mom but to be honest sometimes I don't love being a mom.
It's hard.  It exposes my sinful nature and just how selfish I am. And me comparing, being self­-focused and insecure, ungrateful and entitled make motherhood even harder. 

Psalm 118:24 “This is the day that the lord has made. Let us rejoice and be glad in it” (ESV)

Every day is SO different with a newborn. There is no normal. But if I can rejoice in each day, what God is showing and teaching me, I can experience gladness. When people say enjoy this­ it goes by so quickly I feel like okay uh how do I do that? Should I stare at him longer? Should I enjoy his crying more? I realized that part of me was desiring to fast forward the “hard” part and get to the “easier” part. Then I learned there was no easier part (that was a SHOCKER). So I strive to rejoice in each day because God has made each day and there is something I can rejoice in.

So even though being a new mom is hard. There is always something to rejoice in.

Like how miraculous having a baby is.

Or like how amazing it is I can feed my baby from milk my body produces.

Or like how incredible hormones are that make us forget some of childbirth pains, energizes us when we see our babies and moves us to feel deeper than we ever have.

Or like how heartwarming it is to see your spouse, family and/or friends light up with love seeing and holding your baby.

Or like how crazy it is to love something so much that just eat, sleeps, poops, and cries. 

Or how wonderful it is to see the first smile.

Or how heartstopping it is to hear the first giggle.

Or how funny he is when he plays with his blanket, smiles at you or just farts.

Or how special it feels when he falls asleep in your arms.

Or how your heart leaps when you smell him.

Or how empowered you feel when he holds onto you.

Or how you could just spend hours looking at him and feel like it was just a minute. 

And again I could go on and of course so could other moms.

Being a new mom is hard but there is so much to rejoice in.

Somedays I focus more on the first list than the second but I am grateful for Gods grace and mercy and His compassion that means I don't have to stay there.

With love- Elaina